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Saturday, 3 September 2011

Cool : Empat Cerita Lawak 18++

1 . Bahasa Isyarat Malam Pertama

Dua orang pekak berkahwin. Pada minggu pertama perkahwinan, mereka mendapati bahawa mereka tidak dapat berkomunikasi di dalam bilik tidur apabila mereka mematikan lampu kerana mereka tidak dapat melihat antara satu sama lain dengan menggunakan bahasa isyarat. 

Selepas beberapa mlm,si isteri memutuskan untuk mencari penyelesaian. "abg," kata si isteri, "bagus kita buat beberapa isyarat yang mudah? Sebagai contoh, pada waktu malam, klu abg mau buat hubungan seks dengan saya, picit nenen kiri saya 1 kali. klu abg tidak mau buat hubungan seks pula, picit nenen kanan saya 1 kali. " 

Si suami amat bersetuju dgn idea isterinya dan berkata, "idea yg bagus syg,ok Sekarang,klu syg mau mengadakan hubungan seks dengan abg, pegang dan tarik 'anu' abg 1kali. tapi klu syg tidak mau melakukan hubungan seks, pegang dan tarik 'anu' abg 60 kali..


2. Your Boyfrien Maybe Virgin
"A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Kuala Lumpur . Before she left, her mother gave her some advice."Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following requirements Mother set for you. You must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a 'virgin'."

With this advise from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her mother's blessings to marry."Mother, I've met my match following your instructions.

My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?".

Her mother nodded in agreement.

"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only. Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"

For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.

"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin"."How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked."Mmm....his 'that one' is new......still wrapped up in plastic,mum!"


3. Pregnant Girl

A girl pregnant...

An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with greyhair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of theproblem.

However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge."

"If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $2,000,000 bank account".

"If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $5,000,000 bank account.If it is twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him;

"Then you try again...!"


4. Condom

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?


Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.


Maude: Where did you get it?


Mabel : You can get them at any drugstore.


The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.


"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."


The pharmacist fainted.


Sumber: Koleksi


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